On A Personal Note ...

Monday's posts will be sharing some thoughts and other personal things going on in my life. You do not need to read these if you feel they aren't interesting to you, however, if you connect with a few thoughts I share here, please feel free to follow along. These posts are mostly written for me and in hoping others might find a connection to what I'm going through. For those who do feel it, welcome to my world. For those who aren't as inspired by personal blog posts, come back soon because I will always share what's going on "In The Studio".

Recently, while the internet was limited, I learned I have Type II Diabetes. I wasn't surprised nor was I upset. When I found out, relief washed over me. I knew I was having troubles, I knew I was feeling oddly and couldn't really figure out why. Once the new doctor I was able to go to confirmed this diagnosis, I relaxed and realized there is a lot I can do to take control. And on a side note, I have a new doctor thanks to my daughter's vigilance and work in getting me free insurance. It's been wonderful to get the blood work and medication without trying to figure out how to pay for it without an income. Bless her and those that work with this program through the state.

Now that I am starting to make some personal changes like walking (when it's not too hot) and food choices (not a big difference in what but how much) I am confident I can find the way to live with diabetes and continue on my path. I have to get used to the medication ... it has made eating a "chore" because I'm never hungry, once in awhile I get dizzy both from blood sugar drops and the medication and I've been extremely tired and listless. I will get used to it, understanding more what it feels like and adapt and adjust accordingly.

It's also been a rough week for someone who has empathy as I do. There's been a lot going on with my circle of friends and family members. Each upset, disease, death has been taken in. It's a reminder that I am an "angst-sucking sponge" when I start to feel so tired. And I AM tired.

I'm actually exhausted ... unable to stop worrying about everything around me, feeling sad a lot, unable to pull myself out of the negative space I'm in (sooo not like me!). I don't usually stay there for this long. I feel let down, uninspired, unusually cranky, filled with static electricity and unable to just shut it off. All the tricks I use to keep myself in a positive frame of mind when I struggle like this hasn't worked this time. Or not yet ... it does help but I don't stay in a positive frame of mind for long. That is what's different about folks like me who are empaths.

I AM still having physical troubles so that is some of it, I'm assuming, and will eventually become less of an issue as the months progress. What I'm feeling now is more likely how I feel emotionally for those around me, not just what I'm going through; a physical thing and a large financial thing (which is why I have a GoFundMe debt fundraising campaign) and that leads to personally feeling way out of whack. There's some weird stuff going on right now!

I would love nothing more than to grab all the folks struggling right now, wrap them up like burritos and protect them in bubble wrap until they are all safe, happy and secure.

Recently I was ready to shut down completely or cry a lot. I didn't do either. I haven't allowed much quiet time for myself lately ... that was the first mistake when I start to feel this way (it happens every few months) and I can fix that by shutting off and just being silent with my art, so I'm gonna! My diet is changing, so I should feel better at some point soon. High protein foods are so good for so many reasons but they help in becoming grounded: the number one benefit for empaths.

To feel more like "me" again, I believe I'm going to have to feel a little more secure in "the knowing". I'll find it through meditation and I can do more of that too, so I'm gonna! This is: the knowing that all is well. I'm breathing in and breathing out. I'm able to move around, I can see, speak and smile. I always believe everything happens as it should, people and circumstances arrive on time, when they should. I have to remind myself of this, so I'm gonna!

Meanwhile, please, send some love out into the Universe, it needs it. Close your eyes and send lots of white light not just to me but to everyone throughout the whole world.

Namaste,
Cindy